Ask Ardsley Wooster

Anonymous Asks:

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼ Would you like to make a contract?

askwooster Said:

… What sort of contract, may I ask?

…

Oh, I see. You’ll grant me a wish in exchange for my service as a… “Magical Girl” in fighting hordes of evil “Witches.”

… Excuse me if I doubt your claim.

AU • Hogwarts

Sign your character’s name and their fitting house.
Lacey: Slytherin
Billy: Slytherin
Malcolm(Primal): Slytherin
Nate: Gryffindor
Addison: Ravenclaw
Chase: Hufflepuff
Siarc: Hufflepuff
Cale: Slytherin
Strider: Ravenclaw.
Shale: Slytherin
Rory: Ravenclaw
Joanna: Gryffindor
George: Slytherin
Alex: Ravenclaw. Was there really any doubt?
Evil!Shadow : Slytherin / Normal!Shadow : Gryffindor
The Doctor (11th): Hufflepuff
Tarvek: Slytherin
Othar Tryggvassen, Gentleman Adventurer: GRYFFINDOR!
Ardsley Wooster: Hufflepuff.

meme

(via hgme)

tea

Anonymous Asks:

... And then, I'd fuck you so hard into the mattress that we could be heard from anywhere in the Castle. While my wife watches. -- Theo

askwooster Said:

… The pure volume would be hard to achieve

unless

special bedsprings.

Anonymous Asks:

Your shirt and your shoes, obviously, then, perhaps a massage. Work out all the stress of the day from your muscles. Maybe apply a bit of oil. Really work it in there. Then move lower. Your legs tense up too. Of course, I'd have to remove your pants. And massage your behind. And your front.

askwooster Said:

Being quite forward there aren’t you.

… And then?

Anonymous Asks:

RED FIRE, did Sleipnir give us away? Oh, and you left a stocking, last time. As for what I would do to you... *hypothetically*... Slowly remove your vest. - Theo

askwooster Said:

… And after that?

If I was tied up, gagged, and blindfolded on your bed when you walked in, what would you do to me?

(via volatile-self-obsessed)

How hilarious, Anon. I shall begin stripping immediately.

In all seriousness, though, things have been heating up around the castle as of late— an artificial heatwave- causes yet unknown- means that currently the average temperature around here is around 27 degrees Celsius.

Labcoats and such are no longer practical, I’m afraid.

Although, I’m a bit suprised—

Usually these problems are fixed within hours.

Um, Miss…

askklauswulfenbach:

askwooster:

belovedofashtara:

askwooster:

Missus?

… Baroness?

[He holds the loincloth up]

I think I have something that belongs to you?

Zantabraxus will do just fine.

And thank you, darling, I was wondering where those went.

[Takes them from him and smiles slyly]

Where did you get these anyway?

[Why oh why is the truth so odd and unlikely?]

Um, well, a gray-skinned construct of sorts rushed up and threw your… garments at me, and, er, well,

I have no idea where they came from, originally.

[admiring the ceiling is not helping his case, look the woman in the eye]

Perhaps they were stolen? or…

[Just. Looming. Not at all impressed, either.

Wooster you have so much splainin’ to do.]

[Sweet weasels, how does he explain. He might be a super british spy but that is the Baron who could flatten him with a hand who’s wife he is returning underwear to-]

[he clears his throat]

ThisisapurecoincidenceIswearIammerelybeingagoodpersonandreturningthearticleofclothingtoitscorrectowner.

[If worst comes to worst, he decides that the window is a viable escape option. Never mind the height.]

Um, Miss…

belovedofashtara:

askwooster:

Missus?

… Baroness?

[He holds the loincloth up]

I think I have something that belongs to you?

Zantabraxus will do just fine.

And thank you, darling, I was wondering where those went.

[Takes them from him and smiles slyly]

Where did you get these anyway?

[Why oh why is the truth so odd and unlikely?]

Um, well, a gray-skinned construct of sorts rushed up and threw your… garments at me, and, er, well,

I have no idea where they came from, originally.

[admiring the ceiling is not helping his case, look the woman in the eye]

Perhaps they were stolen? or…

ggrp